How to Get What You Want By Saying Absolutely Nothing

My mother perfected the stare down to an art. If I had done something wrong, she would always know, but would wait for me to confirm it. First, she would have me sit down across from her at the kitchen table. Then, she would just look at me and wait for an explanation. I would immediately tell her my pre-prepared answer, but she would just sit there, listen, and do nothing. Inevitably, after a while, I would end up blurting out the truth.

It’s amazing what she did by saying nothing. What my mother did to me, can actually be done with everyone – your boss, your co-workers, your friends, and your significant other.

Shut up and stop talking!  If you want to know the truth, stay silent and wait for the other person to provide an explanation. Don’t fill the silence with your own verbal babble, wait for the other person to speak first.

Too often, people make the mistake of speaking too quickly instead of waiting for the other person to speak. Doing so, almost always gives the other person the upper hand in the conversation because they know what you are thinking and can just respond to those thoughts.

Let’s take an example. Your boss tells you that you won’t get the promotion you deserved. Instead of being quiet and waiting for an explanation, you immediately speak up and say something like “I understand there isn’t any more room in the budget” or “I know I should have finished that project.” By speaking up first and providing an explanation, you have now given your boss an easy way out. He no longer has to give you the real reason or a real explanation since you’ve already given yourself one. He now knows that you have doubts about receiving the promotion AND you even have reasons why you shouldn’t receive it. Now, all he has to do is latch onto what you’ve just said instead of providing you with an honest explanation.

Let’s take another example. Your boyfriend decides to break up with you. You ask why and he says “It’s just not working out.” Instead of waiting for him to continue, you jump in and start talking about how hard you tried to make the relationship work, how you never knew that he felt this way, how you gave so much and wasn’t appreciated, etc., etc., etc. All of the mumbo jumbo you have now blurted out becomes the “reasons” why you are breaking up. Instead of waiting for an explanation, you have now filled in the silence with your own thoughts. He doesn’t even have to say anything. In fact, he probably didn’t. He probably just nodded and walked away scot free afterwards.

Remember: It’s so much easier for someone to agree with your mumbo jumbo than to speak up and say the truth. Don’t let the clutter in your head fill the silence. If you want to try and figure out the real reason behind something, if you want to know someone’s underlying motives, if you want an explanation, BE QUIET. Wait. You can get what you want (in this case – information) by remaining quiet and waiting for other people to speak first. If you’re the type of person that always like to “fill the silences,” try this new tactic the next time you are trying to get the truth. You just might hear something good!