By now you understand what the Bragging Contest is. You know who the judges are and you know what types of contests are out there. So, how do you plan and prepare yourself so you have a better chance of winning? Below are different strategies for prepping and playing the game.

Prepping

With every game, you have to be prepared. The Bragging Contest is no different. The better prepared you are, the better you will do. Here are several tips to help you prepare:

1) Get the brag ready: Always have 3 brags ready to go. Like a job interview, you should always have 3 different brags that you are ready to talk about. Each of the brags should be flexible enough that you can use them in front of different judges and different situations. This way, you are always ready to play.

2) Figure out how you can use the brags: I’ve outlined 5 different ways people brag. You can use one of those ways or find an entirely new way. With your own brags, figure out how you can best present them.

3) Write them down: Write down your accomplishments every week. It is hard to remember the things that you can brag about. By writing them down, you will be able to remember them and pull from a larger list if necessary.

4) Have 1 key point: A brag is your chance to show off. Make sure that people understand why it is important. What did it accomplish? What were the results? What did you do? Remember, people don’t remember long speeches. When you say something, people really only take away 1 key point. Make sure you know what point you are trying to get across and focus on it. Providing unimportant details just takes away from your main point.

For example, if you are playing the “I am Great at Sales” Bragging Contest then don’t spend all of your time talking about how you landed a new client. Focus on the key point: how much money that client brought in for the company. People will remember if the client was a $1 million dollar client. Nobody will remember that the client sells soft drinks and is based in Minneapolis.

5) Practice: A brag is like a mini-speech. Like every speech, these things need practice. An easy way to practice is to tell the brag to a non-influencer. This way, you can practice and get feedback so your brags will sound better in front of the influencers.

Playing the Bragging Game

The Bragging Contest happens all the time, but some contests are more important than others. You get to choose whether or not you enter the contest. Only enter the contests that are important. Don’t enter if you don’t have a good brag. When playing, think through these points and take advantage when you can:

1. Starter or Follower: You have 2 choices in the Bragging Contest. Be the starter or the follower. If you’re the starter, you have the distinct advantage of making a first impression. You get to choose what type of brag you want to do (Direct, Feelings, Compliments, etc.) and you get to say it first. If you say a really good one, it is sometimes hard for people to respond. Say the wrong thing, and the follower will have an easy time beating you since he got to hear your brag first before choosing his. As the follower, you have a moment to assess the situation and choose to play, win, tie or skip and wait for another opportunity to use your brags.

2. Timing: Timing is everything. If nobody is listening, if people are distracted, then that particular game will not be important and you may not have to play. For example, if the game is started in the middle of a meeting where lots of people are trying to grab each other’s attention, then the game may not be that important to play since nobody will really be listening. Pay attention to the timing of the contest. Contests are happening all the time, but some will be more important than others.

3. Judges: When playing the game, one of the most important things to look at are the judges. If the judges are not influencers, then it is not as important to play since there will probably be no change in your reputation. Only enter the Bragging Contest if it affects your reputation. If not or if the opportunity is not there, then don’t enter.

4. You can tie: Sometimes, in the Bragging Contest, you can tie and you don’t have to win. Tying just means that you and the other person have kept your reputations at the same level. Tying still allows you to have a good reputation. Lots of people have the reputation of being hard workers, smart people or team players. The key is to keep your reputation at work at the top of those buckets and not let it fall out of the buckets.

Take the Hard Worker contest example again. If there are a group of people that are hard workers and you want to stay in the group, then you can’t let other people brag more about their work than you. On the other hand, a hard worker is a hard worker. You don’t have to be the winner of the Hard Worker Contest for people to put you in the group of hard workers. So, if somebody is talking about how hard he worked, you too can talk about how hard you worked. You don’t have to overshadow them, but you have to be as diligent as them. This allows you to tie and stay at the same level.

5. Don’t get labeled a Bragger: This point is key. The goal of the Bragging Contest is to improve your reputation using brags. The one thing you don’t want to do is get a reputation of being a Bragger, otherwise, nobody will listen to your brags anymore.

• Play with finesse: When playing the game, make sure that you are able to say your brags in a subtle way (Feelings, Share, Compliments). Try to avoid Indirect Brags that don’t relate to any part of the current conversation. Also try to avoid Direct Brags unless someone else has offered up a Direct Brag. The only time you should use a Direct Brag is when it is in context, helpful to the audience, or will provide new information that the rest of the group needs at that moment. For example, you can directly brag about how hard you worked if you are also providing details of the project that your group needs. Or, you can talk about how generous you are if you are trying to set an example for other people and encourage them to be generous too.
• Be truthful: Everyone hates the bragger – that person that is always showing off and trying to make themselves look good. Lots of times, they are even exaggerating to make themselves look better. After they’re done, people roll their eyes and talk about how incredibly false those statements are. Nobody really believes what they’ve said. Keep your brags real and sincere. Don’t over-exaggerate. Don’t tell lies. If your brag is not true and somebody finds out, you will never be able to play the game again. Nobody is saying that you can’t exaggerate a little, just don’t make up false statements. If anyone finds out, you will be kicked out of the Bragging Contest forever. You will no longer be a contestant since your credibility will be destroyed. Anytime you try to play, nobody will listen or believe you.

The Bragging Contest will not always be fun. In fact, some of you may hate to participate. Unfortunately, you can’t avoid it if you want to improve your reputation. Hopefully, by understanding how the game is played, when to play it, and why it is important, you will be better prepared to play the game and hopefully even win some contests.

In Part 1 of this series, I introduced you to the Bragging Contest.  Then, in Part 2, I taught you how people brag and how to play the game.  Now, I am going to tell you more about the judges of the contest.

Your reputation is based on what people think about you. People are judging you all the time. They are listening to what you say and do, and even what you don’t say and do. Lots of times, they are listening to what other people are saying about you and you have no control over that. To improve your reputation and win the Bragging Contest, you have to understand the group of judges you are trying to win over.

First, remember that the judges are everyone in the group that you are in. At work, they are all of your co-workers, your bosses, people on your team and other teams you work with. With friends, they are everyone in that group that you hang out with and all of the extra people that come along. With family they are your immediate family and then all of your aunts, cousins and extended family. The group can change when new people join, but for the most part it is the people that are interacting with you and forming an opinion about you. The one thing to remember though is that certain members of the group are more important than others.

Have you ever watched American Idol and listened to the judges’ reactions? In the past, Paula Abdul used to always be neutral. She would never really say anything extreme and most of the time she was pretty nice to people. On the opposite end would be Simon Cowell. He would always say something extremely good or extremely bad. Some people relied on his opinions since they felt like he knew more. Just like these judges, the judges in your groups are not all equal.

Everyone in the group is a judge, but every judge has a different amount of influence. In the Bragging Contest, it is the influential people that matter the most. To win, make sure that specific judges have heard you compete.

The 4 Influential Judges

1) Big Boss: This is the person that clearly is the leader of the group. At work, these people are easy to spot. They are your Vice Presidents, Senior Executives, Senior Manager and people in the group that are leading the team. With family and friends these people are easy to spot as well. They are the Godfather or the one that everyone looks to for direction. What they say usually goes and this is why they have a lot of influence. Their opinion of you matters much more than anyone else’s opinion.

2) Little Boss: This is the person that gets around the most and has the ear of the Big Boss. He is the Big Boss’ representative – when the Big Boss needs something done, this is the person that he sends to do it. This person most likely interacts with many people in the group and spends all day talking to different people. Because of his responsibilities for talking to different judges and the fact that he is the Big Boss’ representative, this person is capable of influencing a lot of people.

3) Everybody’s Friend: This is the person that everybody likes. Everyone will come and talk to him. He knows everything that goes on, but he doesn’t ask for it. People respect his opinions so they come and talk. He knows everyone really well, from the Big and Little Boss to the Secretary and children. Because he uses discretion, has a great reputation, listens more than he talks, and is well respected, this person is able to easily influence your reputation.

4) Gossip: This is the person that is the biggest gossip of the group. He talks to everyone and spends all day spreading news. People like talking to him although they might not respect him. The reason the Gossip is so influential is because he talks so much. People may not always believe him, but people will repeat what he says. Even if something is not true, if many people know about it and talk about it, they may start to think it’s true. That’s why the Gossip ends up with so much influence.

Each of these judges have a lot of influence in the group. The Big Boss tends to direct opinions more while the Gossip tends to spread it, but Everybody’s Friend can change the group’s opinion really fast. That’s why it is so important to pay attention to who the influencers are. You won’t win anything if your reputation hasn’t improved.

You have to play in front of an influencer to truly win the Bragging Contest.

It is these influencers that will change the opinions of the group a lot faster than other people. You can play the game all day in front of non-influencers and you might only improve your reputation a little. You can play all day in front of your friends, the people that already have a good opinion about you and your reputation won’t improve much.

You are trying to change the opinion of the group. Your friends, non-influencers, and the same people will all have the same opinion. Playing in front of them won’t make much of an impact and therefore won’t allow you to win. Next time you play, consider who you are playing in front of. Don’t bother to enter the contest if you are not playing in front of the right person. That will do nothing, take up a lot of your time, and take away your advantage. Now that you understand the judges better, I will talk to you about how to win. In the next article I will show you how to play the game and teach you strategies to improve your chances of becoming a winner of the bragging game.

Now that you know about the Bragging Contest, and you know that you have to enter, how do you know when people are playing? To know when it happens, learn what the main types of bragging contests revolve around and then learn to identify when they occur.

Types of Bragging Contests

The Bragging Contest is all about improving your reputation. The key to understanding when these contests happen is to understand what the group values and thinks is important. This will help you see what type of reputation you have to build up. Every group values something different. Know what the group values so you can improve your reputation in those areas. Below, I have listed the main contests that happen in the 2 key groups of your life: Work and Friends & Family. Using these contests as examples, you can start to figure out the contests going on in your groups.

Work
What is valued: Your reputation at work revolves around how you help the company achieve its goals. Everything related to what you do and how you accomplish your work is important to your reputation.

Key Contests:

1. I am a Hard Worker
2. I have Great Ideas
3. I am Smart
4. I Am A Leader
5. I take Initiative
6. I have Skills – These skills can be in different areas such as “I’m a Great Developer,” “I’m a great Designer,” “I’m a great Salesperson,” etc. Just remember, the more skills you have, the better.
7. I do Great Work
8. I am Dependable
9. The Senior people trust me and like me

Friends & Family
What is valued: With friends & family, the values are really different. With them, it’s all about the softer things and what you give and receive.

Key Contests:

1. I can be Counted On / I am Reliable
2. I am Fun
3. I am Generous
4. I am Loyal
5. I give Good Advice
6. I Share
7. I am not Judgmental
8. I am a Good Listener
9. I am Thoughtful

You are probably part of many different groups. Their values and the resulting Bragging Contests will most likely be a combination of the things above. If you aren’t sure what those values are, start by figuring out what the contests are.

Identifying the Bragging Contests
The trick to identifying the contests is to know the different ways people are bragging. People brag all the time. Some people are obvious and you will know right away that they are trying to brag. Others are more subtle and you may not know until the contest is over.

Pay attention to how people brag so you can enter the Bragging Contests.

Here are 5 ways that people brag about themselves. By learning how other people brag, you can start to identify when the contests are happening . This way, not only can you enter them yourself, but you can also use these methods to start your own contests.

How People Brag

1. Direct Brag: This is the most obvious brag to spot because the person just tells you his brag without hiding it behind anything. A lot of times, you will hear the name of the contest in the person’s brag.

Examples:
• “I have Great Ideas” Bragging Contest: A person who says it directly would say “I have so many great ideas that my team never knows which one to choose.”
• “I’m a Great Salesperson” Bragging Contest: A direct person would say “I’m such a great salesperson, I brought in 5 clients this month.”

How to spot this brag: It’s really easy to spot the brag since a person will just use the name of the contest in his brag. So, “I have great ideas blah, blah, blah.”

2. Not Really Related Brag: This is when someone takes the main topic of conversation and turns it into a brag by relating the topic to something they did. The topic could be anything and the person could use that topic to reference an accomplishment or something he is good at.

Examples:
• “I do Great Work” Bragging Contest: Here, imagine a group of people talking about launching a new shopping website. A bragger could insert his brag by saying something like “I launched a social network website last year. My social network website was really successful and I created all of the important features.”
• “I have Good Taste” Bragging Contest: Here, people may be talking about someone’s fantastic new jeans from Macy’s. A person will then try to brag by saying something like “I just bought a great shirt from Neiman Marcus.”

How to spot this brag: In these 2 examples, the bragger took the topic of conversation, but then used it to talk about himself. You can spot this brag if you hear someone go off the main topic of conversation and say something about himself that is not related to what everyone was talking about. The first person talked about how he built a social network website, something that wasn’t related to the shopping website. The second person talked about buying their shirt from Neiman Marcus, something not related to the jeans from Macy’s.

3. Feelings Brag: This is when a person talks about how they feel and inserts a brag at the end. By talking about their feelings, other people are thrown off and the brag comes unexpectedly.

Example:
• “I take Initiative” Bragging Contest: A group of people could be talking about their weekend. The bragger could say something like “I feel so tired. I hardly got any rest. I was doing this new project all weekend that the boss didn’t even ask for.”
• “I give Good Advice” Bragging Contest: A group of people could be talking about a friend who went through a hard time. A bragger could tell his friends the following: “I am so happy she took my advice and made some changes in her life.”

How to Spot: Listen up for people who talk about their feelings, but also say something about themselves. In the first example, the bragger used his own feelings “I feel tired” and extended those feelings to a brag about how he took initiative. In the second example, the bragger did something similar by telling everyone he was “so happy” because he gave advice to their friend. Using feelings is harder to spot since it is masked by someone’s feelings. To hear the brag, you have to keep listening past the feelings and see if the person tries to add something extra about those feelings.

4. Share Brag: This happens when the bragger shares something about himself, but within that something are details to show how good that thing is. Though it is bragging, it sounds less like bragging and more like being open and friendly. This type of brag occurs in all types of Bragging Contests.

Example:
• “I am Generous” Bragging Contest: A group of friends could be talking about an upcoming birthday and how to best celebrate this birthday for their friend. A bragger could easily “share” how he bought a fantastic present for his friend and say something like “I just bought my present. It’s this beautiful Louis Vuitton wallet.”

How to spot: In the example above, the bragger shared how he had already purchased the gift.  He shares the brand of the gift so people will know how expensive it was. By sharing this piece of information, he has now conveyed how generous he is. However, since it was in the context of sharing what he did, it doesn’t look like he is bragging at all. Instead it just sounds like he is sharing his plans for celebrating his friend’s birthday. This style is a lot harder to spot since it is masked in the form of sharing.

5. Compliments Brag: This final style is the hardest to detect. This happens when the bragger gives a compliment, but within the compliment is hidden a brag about himself. It is heard like a compliment and taken like a compliment, but people also remember the brag.

Example: “I Know Many Important People” Bragging Contest. An easy way this occurs is when the bragger compliments a person, but references someone else in the process. She could say “Congratulations on your success. I heard from that you signed a big client.”

How to spot: Spot this one, by listening for something about the bragger within a compliment. In the above example, the bragger has now given a compliment, but also indicated that she heard the news from an important person. This is a subtle way of bragging about the important person (Mr. VIP) that she knows, but is given in the form of a compliment so it is much harder to detect.

There are other ways that people brag besides the 5 I describe above. The key to discovering them is to pay attention to what people are saying and figure out whether or not there is a brag hidden in there. Listen for times when people are talking about themselves. Watch how other people brag so you can copy them or learn what not to do when you are playing in the contests.

Knowing the types of contests and identifying how they occur are 2 very important parts of playing the Bragging Contest. Now that you know when to play, you have to learn how to win. Winning requires a whole new level of understanding. To win requires you to understand who the judges are and tactics for winning. I will cover that in the next 2 articles. Stay tuned…

You may not know this, but every day, you are entered into the Bragging Contest. Every day judges are giving you a score. We are all contestants in the Bragging Contest. That’s right, even YOU. If you don’t want to participate, if you had no idea that you’re a contestant, if you never play, then you’ve probably lost this contest more times than you think. You might even be the “biggest loser” of this contest, and you don’t even know it.

You can’t afford to lose this contest. This contest will affect you. So, let me tell you what it is and why you have to compete.

The Bragging Contest

What it is: The Bragging Contest is the game about your reputation. It is your chance to manage your reputation. You play it by sharing good things about yourself, called “brags,” with other people. You win if your reputation has improved by the end of the game.

Contestants: The contestants are everyone in a group of people that you know and interact with. They could be a group of people at work, at school, at home, in a community service organization you are part of, or anywhere else where you are a part of something.

When is it played: This game is played all the time – Monday mornings by the coffee machine, Thursday nights at a bar, in a meeting, on the phone, everywhere you interact with someone in your groups.

Rules: The rules are simple: the person who shares the best information about himself wins. There are no rules on how you share that information. The only rule is that you have to share or you will lose.

Judges: The judges are the group of people who have an opinion about you such as your peers, your bosses, or your friends and family.

How and when do you win: The winner is decided on a daily basis since you can improve your reputation every time you share something about yourself. Sometimes, there is not a clear winner, but your goal is not to be the loser.

The Bragging Contest is happening all around you. It directly affects your reputation and what people think about you. People are playing it all the time so they can boost their own reputations. It is your responsibility to play, but also your chance to improve your own reputation. Bragging is not a bad thing as long as you do it well. Bragging about yourself helps other people know who you are, what you’ve done and what you are capable of. It can give you recognition, respect and reward for your hard work, and make you look good.

Let me give you an example. At work, your reputation is really important. If you’re looking for a promotion, if you want respect, then not only do you have to work hard, but you have to make sure that people know about the work. The “I’m a Hard Worker” Bragging Contest is played all the time at work. I’m sure you’ve heard many co-workers talk about how late they stayed or how they came in on the weekend, or how much more time they put in. These are the people that come to mind when your boss and your co-workers (the “Judges”) think about the hard workers at the company. If you don’t participate in this contest, you may lose that next promotion or raise. Participate, and you may find yourself in the corner office one day. It’s great to be a hard worker, but nobody will know if you don’t play the “I’m a Hard Worker” Bragging Contest.

People will judge you whether you want them to or not. Even if they don’t know anything about you, they will still have an opinion based on what they’ve seen or heard. The Bragging Contest is one of the few places where you get to do some reputation management and shape the gossip, personal opinions and constant judgments that people are making about you. It directly impacts your reputation because it is what people hear about you from YOU. You don’t always have to win, sometimes you can tie, but you HAVE to enter.

Since we all have to play this game, I will try and teach you as much as I can about it. In the next series of articles, I will tell you more about the different types of bragging contests that are played, teach you how to play, and finally, hopefully, teach you strategies to improve your chances of winning. For now, start playing or you will never be the winner.

Donkeys = Difficult people who are stubborn, obnoxious, rude, stupid, or just an ass

Most likely, you know someone who sometimes or always fits that description. Or, you’ve had to deal with someone in a store, at work or somewhere else, and they are just so difficult and stubborn that you simply can’t stand them. You know who I’m talking about. These are the people that make life so difficult. These are the ones that resist you all the time. They put up barriers so you can’t do what you want to do. They are so stubborn that you just want to slap them. So, how do you deal with difficult people?

To deal with a stubborn person, learn how to pet him. Every person can be stroked in the right way and the wrong way. Figure out the right way and you will be able to ride that donkey forever.

A donkey’s fur, like many animals, runs one way. If you pet it the other way, no matter how much you stroke it, the fur won’t lie down flat and smooth. Instead, it will resist and resist until ultimately you get so angry that you give up. A difficult person reacts in the same manner. You cannot keep approaching difficult people in the same way. Learn how to stroke them in the right way and you just might get what you want.

Of course this is much easier said than done. When you are dealing with an obnoxious, stubborn person, they’ve probably made you so mad that you don’t want to step back and take a different approach. Plus, you probably think that THEY have to do something differently because they are the donkeys, not you. Unfortunately, it is rare that a donkey will change his approach. But, if you are willing to adjust, then maybe you will come out on top.

Don’t forget that people are not all the same. People think differently, act differently and behave differently. This is why it’s important to figure out how to manage different people, especially the ones that are difficult. These donkeys can’t be managed the same way as everyone else. BUT, there is always a way. Every person has their triggers. Every person will respond to something. So, how do you do it? Below are some tips to help you learn how to pet the donkeys in your life.

5 Ways to Deal With Difficult People and Pet the Donkeys:
HISTORY: Learn as much as you can about them. Learn about their backgrounds, their personal lives, their histories. This will help you understand where they are coming from, why they say and do things in a certain way, and how you can approach them and convince them to see your perspective.

TIMING: Choose the right timing. Don’t approach them when they are mad or frustrated. Figure out when they are happy and then talk to them when they are in a good mood. If you sense they are in a bad mood, back off and approach them later.

BE NICE: Treat them nicely. This may come as a surprise, but treating the donkey or anyone nicely goes a long way to making them more open and amenable towards you.

BE THEIR FRIEND: Try to make them your friend. Just like your own friends who will do stupid things for you if you ask, a donkey who is your friend will be much more willing to listen to you than one who is your enemy.

WIN-WIN SITUATION: Try to make it a win-win for both of you so you have the same goals. When you and the donkey are working on the same side, the donkey will be much more amenable to you.

These are just a few ways that will help you pet your donkey. In my next article, I share a few tricks on working with difficult people and how to pet these donkeys you meet at work. Before then, tell me how you pet your donkeys! What tricks do you use to pet your donkeys?